Audre Lorde’s Zami: A New Spelling of My Name shows the trials and tribulations of Lorde’s life and the women she builds relationships with while being Black and homosexual during a racially charged America.
Wow another book that really looked into the societal impact on a gay persons emotions while being black in America. I was instantly touched by the honesty of the book, and the in depth picture Lorde painted of her life. She made it seem like being gay was an agony, and unwanted pain that just wouldn’t go away. On top of being gay which is frowned upon in society she was also black a combination that really made her feel left out. I want to explore the pity Lorde felt for herself, and further separated her from society.
“I remember how being young and Black and gay and lonely felt. A lot of it was fine, feeling I had the truth and the light and the key, but a lot of it was purely hell” (176). I found it ironic that she used the word ” lonely” when describing her sexuality and ethnicity.Her sexuality and skin color isolated her , i don’t take this as her literally being alone though. I feel like being in a room full of people Lorde just felt alone, disconnected from whats going on around her. This developed into her feeling unwanted, unloved, and unworthy. She continues to say it was “fine” showing her acceptance of her circumstances, shows her settling. I see it as a shrug moment if you will, a sort of ‘it is what it is type of situation.
Lorde analyzed her surroundings, disconnected her self, but on the inside it truly was “hell”. This hell in my opinion affected how she loved. ” Every woman I have ever loved has left her imprint upon me”. This shows the numerous imprint people have had on Lorde that correlates to the hell she’s feeling. She clearly has lost her self, is feeling depressed and ultimately has just accepted her current state, ” hell.” If lovers and society are consistently influencing your every move how can you find time for yourself, which further supports my views on Lorde being very unsure of who she is.
“It was hard enough to be Black, to be Black and female, to be Black, female, and gay. To be Black, female, gay and out of the closet in a while environment, even to the extent of dancing in the Bagatelle, was considered by many Black lesbians to be simply suicide” (224). Here is another example of Lorde giving all her attention to how others perceive her. She has completely let the perceptions of her labels ” black/gay” define who she is. She says it was hard to be black and gay, but if she was comfortable in her skin,if she knew who she was that wouldnt matter. I want to end with looking at how she describes her race and sexuality with the word suicide . A very powerful word meaning the influence by broader cultural views causing one to want to end their life. Its a shame Lorde views her life in this manner, yet she can’t change her skin color or who she loves.
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thecuriousqueen 