Summary: “In Search of the Lost Wings of the Angels” is a story that focuses on two stories, one about the relationship between a mother and daughter dealing with grief and the narrator and her female lover.
Register: In Search of the Lost Wings of Angels was really deep to me and shows the connection and even dependance women have on men. It showed the balance a father adds to a house hold and the disconnect that occurs between mother and daughter once a father is absent. This is exactly what happened between Caocao and her mother when Caocao father died. Instantly Caocao mother abandoned her “I hated the fact that after I lost my father, she unexpectedly made me lose respect for her as a mother. I hated that she made and about face and became a stranger at precisely the moment when I felt most alone and abandoned” (155). Caocao was crying out for her mothers affection, smile, hug something and she received nothing. During a time of grief anyone would react with confusion because you expect a mother to be overly motherly during a hard time. She used words like ‘ abandoned’ meaning to leave completely, withdraw, to disconnect from such powerful words.
She also used words like hate meaning extreme dislike, another powerful word to describe how she felt towards her mother for abandoning her. This also shows the fact that a fathers absence can cause an immediate lack of self awareness. Nothing positive is in that quote except the obvious desire Caocao had to search for something more, love. Her mothers love was gone and so was her fathers.
I like to relate this quote to the title as well, it relates to the search of love Caocao was on. She came to grips with the lost of her father and began the journey of forgiveness. She realized that in order to get her wings she must let go of the hurt her mother caused her and move forward. I started to really enjoy her growth once she forgave her mother,“I drew closer to my mother’s naked spirit and finally it dawned on me how cruelly and unjustly I had treated her all along. It was me, my selfishness and cowardice, which had forced us into this abyss of misery and pain”(164). This quote is beautiful to me, and again shows her growth as a person and her maturity. She comes to the realization in a dream that she was wrong, her mother the woman who raised her and was just dealing with an untimely death was just trying to deal with her feelings. I love how she called her feelings during that time selfish, she was ONLY concerned with her feelings and her needs she completely forgot her mothers. She realized HER actions caused this cover of depression to lay on top of their relationship. Her growth is beautiful because she connected the fact that her actions were emotionally fed and led to a forced ‘ abyss of misery’.
Word count: 504